


Eren Tries Human Transmutation

by Lady_Spindle



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: But he'll have to wait in line behind Mikasa, Crack, Eren's an Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist Crossover, Jean did human transmutation to bring him back so he's got automail too, Jeanmarco in the background, Marco is like one half automail, Mikasa does Xingese alchemy, Mikasa has crazy abs, Other, The Elric brothers are screaming, The Truth wishes he could punch Mikasa, instead it's this abomination, mildly amusing, not relevant tho, this was supposed to be an angsty story about them coping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-29 20:53:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5142110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Spindle/pseuds/Lady_Spindle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren tries Human Transmutation.  What could possibly go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eren Tries Human Transmutation

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be serious. My hand slipped.

One day, Eren decided to try human transmutation.

If friking Jean Kirschstein could do it, so could he, right?

Meticulously, he drew out the transmutation circle, adding all the ingredients to the mix.  One mom coming up!  

Eren activated the circle, feeling something wrong right away- his body pulled out of reality into a really creepy white room with one big ass door in it and this really super white dude with a smile creepier than the room.

“Come and see the truth, alchemist!” It leered.

Eren balked, “yo, hey, I like just wanted my mom back and stuff, none of this cryptic shit.  Armin’s into that...should bring him with me next time…” he muttered, unaware that while he rambled a bazillion little black hands were groping him, dragging him into that big ass door he had seen. Inside, all this psychedelic stuff was going down- like the kind of stuff you’d have to be on some pretty crazy drugs to make sense of.  

And then it was over.  

White-dude was rambling about paying a price when Eren noticed his right arm and left leg were dissolving away.  

“Holy f-”  
He woke up in reality, actually missing an arm and a leg.  Just like his first titan battle…

Mikasa was kneeling beside him, drawing out a Xingese transmutation circle with tears in her eyes.  From the background, Armin was sobbing.  

“Wait guys!” He said weakly, finally registering the actual pain of being two limbs short, “I can fix this!” He reached deep inside himself to that murderous, cold blooded center and willed himself to TITANIFY.  

“He did not.” The tears were gone from Mikasa’s eyes as Eren began growing, legs punching two identical holes in the back of the barracks.

Titan-Eren waited a whole thirty seconds before shifting back to his human form.  

“Look guys!  I’m all better!”

“We were so worried!” Armin cried, crushing Eren in a hug.   
Mikasa looked like she’d rather crush his skull.  

“You won’t believe it, but I went to this place, maybe in my head, but like, it had this big ass door that showed me all sorts of stuff - l have such a better understanding of human transmutation now - like you can’t get this stuff from books.” he paused a moment, “I’m gonna try again!”

By instinct, Armin put himself between Mikasa and Eren.  

“No you are not,” she forbade.

“Try and stop me~” Eren lilted, already reaching for the chalk.  

 

* * *

 

5 tries later…

“Eren I will crush your weeb spine with my abs,” Mikasa threatened from the doorway.

“Doesn’t matter cuz I’ll just regen it back~” He hummed, continuing to redraw the human transmutation circle.

“Please listen to her Eren!” Armin whined, “I can’t hold her back much longer!”  The poor blonde had wedged himself in the doorframe, pitting all his weight against the furious Mikasa.

“The only reason he hasn’t given out yet is cuz Jean and Marco are restraining me with their automail arms!” She hissed.

“What the hell is this chick made of?” Jean grunted, heels digging deeper into the ground as Mikasa strained against his and Marco’s vice-grips.  

“She’s more metal than we are,” Marco laughed, “get it?  Metal - because…. ....automail…”  He trailed off with Jean’s disapproving glare.

“Omfg, Marco, too soon.”

Meanwhile, Eren had succeeded in redrawing the circle, had activated it, and for the sixth time, he rocketed to a very pissed off Truth who really wished Mikasa could crush his weeb spine with her abs.  

Eren returned, unarmed(hoooo did you see what I did there??), and promptly began to shift, body lengthening as he transformed.  By now, he had the sense to aim his growing limbs through the holes he’d already punctured in the sides of the barrack.  

“OMG guys, at this rate, I’ll have human transmutation figured out for good!  We’ll get mom back, Erwin’s hand maybe, everything that died...like Levi’s sense of humor!”

“That’s gonna help so many people!” Marco enthused.  (quickly silenced by like everyone else’s angry glares)

“Yeah, if anyone dies, I’ll get all of them back!” Eren shot a glance in Jean’s direction.

“Im gonna kill that punk-” Jean released Mikasa’s arm, prompting Marco to also unhand her before she ripped his automail from it’s socket.  

“Shh, Jean darling, you did the best you could,” Marco squeezed his good shoulder with his good hand.

Mollified, Jean dropped his violent intentions in favor of watching Eren get his own personal beat down.  

Mikasa sent Armin flying like a plastic grocery bag in the wind and wasted no time punching titan- Eren in the face.

Marco cringed, “whoo, she sure is scary.  Arencha glad you’re dating me instead?” He nudged Jean playfully.

Wearing an expression somewhere between mortification and admiration, Jean nodded.

(muffled Mikasa insults in the background)

Marco removed Armin from the barracks, offering to take both him and Jean for some ramen before the dining hall closed.  

“How long d’ya think it’ll take before Jaeger loses his titan form?” Jean asked.  

(In the distance - “I GOT MY ARMS BACK HELL YEAH!  WAIT NO MIKASA PLZ UNCLE!”)

“Not long at all I guess,” Armin shrugged.

(muffled Eren pleading for mercy)

“I wonder if anyone else has tried human transmutation this many times without even losing one limb…”

(muffled Elric screaming)

 

 


End file.
